A new painting and a post along with it.
Time has definitely been weighing heavily on my mind lately. It seems that no matter what you decide to do, it’ll take about 5 times longer than anticipated, I think that’s a rule of the universe. And the more time passes the more pressure builds up, which when thought about logically is completely illusory, but nonetheless it’s there and you can feel it.
It’s illusory because none of us knows how much time we have, we also don’t know why things happen in the sequence that they do. What we think of as too early or too late, in the larger scheme of things, is probably right on time, but it sure doesn’t feel that way as you’re experiencing it. I’ve already gone through university, I’ve been through school, I’ve had more than 15 years of school out of my 26 years so far… but to be honest, in all those years, I’ve learned nothing. I hated school, university did me absolutely no good, even though I graduated with a 1st class degree, it means absolutely nothing, it took no real learning or growth to do that, it took completing assignments, I didn’t even have to go to university and for the most part I didn’t, I just did what I had to do, I was never involved.
It’s easy to complete something when you don’t care for it, when you’re not invested in it, it doesn’t take any sacrifice even if you have to do things you don’t enjoy, if you fail there’s no sense of loss, if you succeed there is no triumph. It’s completely different when you go all in, when despite all of the excuses, reasons, doubts and fears you come up with consistently you still decide to pursue what you see as a worthy goal, perhaps an ideal, something that you see not just as an asset to yourself, but something that can create good for others. It gives your days a sense of purpose, it gives your life stability, even if you’re in the most unstable position of your life, it gives you a focus that is unattainable when you’re doing things that you don’t care for. Time is a torment for the fearful, it’s a reason to not do something. Time runs in one direction only, or so we think, you can’t have it back and once it’s gone it’s a powerful fear generator – I’m too old, I’ve missed my chance… how futile to look backwards when you can only go forward.