Hope
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September 17, 2013
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November 28, 2013
The Torments of Time

The Torments of Time

A new painting and a post along with it.

Time has definitely been weighing heavily  on my mind lately. It seems that no matter what you decide to do, it’ll take about 5 times longer than anticipated, I think that’s a rule of the universe. And the more time passes the more pressure builds up, which when thought about logically is completely illusory, but nonetheless it’s there and you can feel it.

It’s illusory because none of us knows how much time we have, we also don’t know why things happen in the sequence that they do. What we think of as too early or too late, in the larger scheme of things, is probably right on time, but it sure doesn’t feel that way as you’re experiencing it. I’ve already gone through university, I’ve been through school, I’ve had more than 15 years of school out of my 26 years so far… but to be honest, in all those years, I’ve learned nothing. I hated school, university did me absolutely no good, even though I graduated with a 1st class degree, it means absolutely nothing, it took no real learning or growth to do that, it took completing assignments, I didn’t even have to go to university and for the most part I didn’t, I just did what I had to do, I was never involved.

It’s easy to complete something when you don’t care for it, when you’re not invested in it, it doesn’t take any sacrifice even if you have to do things you don’t enjoy, if you fail there’s no sense of loss, if you succeed there is no triumph. It’s completely different when you go all in, when despite all of the excuses, reasons, doubts and fears you come up with consistently you still decide to pursue what you see as a worthy goal, perhaps an ideal, something that you see not just as an asset to yourself, but something that can create good for others. It gives your days a sense of purpose, it gives your life stability, even if you’re in the most unstable position of your life, it gives you a focus that is unattainable when you’re doing things that you don’t care for. Time is a torment for the fearful, it’s a reason to not do something. Time runs in one direction only, or so we think, you can’t have it back and once it’s gone it’s a powerful fear generator – I’m too old, I’ve missed my chance… how futile to look backwards when you can only go forward.

2 Comments

  1. Sara says:

    When I first read your post it felt like something taken out of my mind, especially the second paragraph, it’s the way I feel about my entire education. Right now, I’m learning to draw in the hopes of taking my life for a different path and sometimes I feel like maybe I’m too late and it’s a ridiculous idea. But to be honest, I don’t think that I would have the same appreciation for making the effort now that if I had in the past. So, in my case is definitely
    the pressure of fear. Nice blog and good luck with everything 🙂

    • I think there are general principles to accomplishing things. Ever since I started teaching myself I’ve been listening to a lot of people doing a variety of things, mostly athletes or entrepreneurs. The things they say are really interchangeable, if you erase the personalities behind the words and don’t look at the background all you’ll get are the principles – discipline, work ethic, dedication, commitment, perseverance, desire. Just because we’ve been through a school doesn’t mean we understand any single one of those things… and to me that’s a real failure of education, because it never teaches you how to accomplish something, it just puts you through something like a blindfolded boot-camp and doesn’t reveal any of the logic behind the boot-camp…
      It’s definitely a departure from the beaten path and there’s a lot of fear involved and a lot of self-doubt, but it’s the only way to go. There’s nothing really interesting about the beaten path, everyone’s been through it… they’ve probably grabbed all the good things from it too and it’s a false sense of security at best to go down that road. Really, all things should be equally frightening, no matter what you’re considering, there are just so many things that can happen, it’s just that some things will make you more aware than others that there is something to be afraid of, but as long as you do your work and are dedicated, I guarantee you that your sense of fear will diminish proportionally to your skill increasing and you’ll have a sense of your own strength and what you’re capable of like never before.
      Thanks very much for your comment and for stopping by, good luck to you too and I’ll be sure to check out how your journey’s going. 🙂

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